Is TV Holding Your Children Back?

The way we consume media is way different now than it was even just 10 years ago. We communicate constantly through phones, text, social networks, chat, tablets, apps, and gaming consoles. It's essential to use computers at work and school, and we use them to decompress on our down time. We watch more TV and movies than ever. Spending a huge chunk of time with a screen in front of you has become a way of life. If you choose not to participate, you risk not connecting as much with friends and family and missing out on topics and discussions that are relevant today. Kids are curious and smart, and pick up on using these new technologies quickly, which puts them in the precarious position of being caught up in a cacophony of media and advertisements. But how do you avoid letting them get consumed by what they're consuming? Below, we've offered up some ideas on putting things back into perspective.

The Impact on Self-Esteem
Unless you're a white boy, if you watch a lot of television as a child, chances are you're not going to come out thinking too highly of yourself. Girls and African-Americans come away from TV viewing feeling like they're lacking the position, skills and worth required to obtain the success that white males seem to hold with ease. More than 90% of protagonists in TV and movies are white men, and minorities and women are usually relegated to the background, practically used as props. This can make your children feel that their inherent value is based on what other people think of them or how they look.

Even if your child is "fortunate" enough to be white and male, consider this: if other children are struggling with their place of importance, what does that say about the child that's always put at center stage? Your child may discover "privileges" he feels he's entitled to. He may view other people less as human beings with drive, flaws, talents and dimension, and think more about how they make him look and feel great. He may miss out on rich, strong relationships because he doesn't know how to recognize all of the great things everyone has to offer.

Put things in perspective.
Talking to your children is the most powerful counterpoint to messages in media you can provide. Rather than banning media from your children altogether, watch TV with your children, and ask them lots of questions. Ask them how they feel about the different scenarios they're watching, ask who they would want to be friends with on the show and why. Ask them if they were in charge of the situation, what would they do? Talk to them about how in stories, things are exaggerated and simplified to make things easy to understand and entertaining, and how in real life things take time to happen and develop. Ask them how they want to be treated, and how they would earn the respect of their friends in healthy ways.

Cultivate and encourage other hobbies.
Children are going to be interested in tons of different things throughout their childhood and young adulthood, because everything is a new discovery. It's okay to try a bunch of different things, but encourage and steer your child to find something they love and stick with it. Discuss with her how when you love something, it's not always easy and fun. Sometimes she will struggle with getting better at what she wants to do, and it will probably take a very long time. But if she's consistent and works on it regularly, she will feel like she accomplished something great. She will have something cool about herself she can share to impress her friends, sure. But more rewarding is knowing that she has strength in herself to do great things. She won't need other people to validate her strength because she already knows it for herself!

Create a Sense of Community
Surround yourself with people who will support how you want to raise your children, and give them role models. If your daughter is learning electric guitar, find a great female guitarist to teach her, and introduce her to bands with female leads and strong female members. Make sure your family understands the kind of positive language and goals you want to encourage in your kids. Connect with other parents who want to raise their children the same way, and attend church functions with a congregation that fosters positive parenting. The more people that your child can connect with in the real world who represent who they want to become, the more they'll know they can aspire to and meet those goals. If they feel like they are people of value and know what it looks like when others love and respect them, they won't seek validation from people in unhealthy ways.

Choose your media wisely.
Rather than just finding something G rated and plopping your kid in front of it, seek out and consume those shows that have strong role models that match what your child is aspiring to. Shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Adventure Time have lots of strong female characters. Avatar the Last Airbender features lots leading characters of different races and strong female characters. TV shows like Community for young adults feature men and women of different races and age groups interacting as friends rather than getting caught up in romantic entanglements. There are more options out there that feature life more realistically than ever before.

The bottom line is, the more involved you are with shaping your children's experience and expectations, the less likely they are to give in to believing stereotypes and diminishing their self-worth. Get interested in what your children are interested in, and you'll discover amazing realms of potential within them. Until next time, keep it clean!