When I first read about studies that optimism derails people from reaching their goals, I thought it could not possibly apply to me. I think of myself as a pragmatist and don't tend to have an overly sunny outlook on life. However, this particular brand of optimism that scientists were researching is quiet and insidious, and has a way of influencing you when you're thinking about it the least. The more I read, the more I realized the study put words and description to something to which many of us fall prey but have difficulty describing or understanding. Here are a few more tips on understanding optimism and how it effects your willpower from the collected research of Dr. Kelly McGonigal.Have you ever set a goal for yourself that seemed simple enough, but even after working at it for months you seemed to barely make any progress? You may be slipping up to a mind game your brain is naturally inclined to play called moral licensing. When you find yourself doing a good deed, or even thinking about something that you consider virtuous (such as picking a salad over a hamburger, saving money at the store, donating to charity, switching to energy efficient light bulbs, etc.) you are far more likely to give yourself a "pass" on doing something you consider bad because you feel like you earned it. You may not even realize you're doing it, and the bad thing you do doesn't even have to be related to what you've just done. Doing or thinking about doing something good makes you more likely to do a range of "bad" things, from cheating on tests to lying or stealing.
With this kind of mentality, it's easy to understand where procrastination comes from and why it persists, or why some people have an especially difficult time with goals such as losing weight. Even thinking about doing something good for yourself or others, or making a list to complete a project you consider good, gives you the same high as actually doing it. It's enough of a high that you are just as likely to reward yourself today with a piece of chocolate cake for working out tomorrow, or with an extra half hour of TV for the extra studying you'll be doing tonight. You're already giving yourself a reward for a job you haven't done!
It doesn't make sense to have cake when you're trying to get healthy or to spend more time on the couch when you are trying to make time for homework because it obviously doesn't line up with your long-term goal at all. You're taking one step forward by working out and feel so great about it and the progress you see yourself making in the future that exercising somehow negates the act of eating cake completely in your mind. You're allowing your feelings about your progress to cloud your judgment, ultimately getting you nowhere nearer to where you need to be.
It is, however, necessary to see ourselves as able to make progress in the future, otherwise we would never pursue our goals. So how do you escape these cycles of reasoning? The easiest way is to not allow yourself to have the opportunity to "reason" with yourself or talk yourself into or out of something. Rather than seeing working towards your goals as a choice, make rules and stick with them. Don't say to yourself "I could read an extra hour tonight," instead say "I always read an extra hour each night."
Rules cut out a lot of harmful "reasoning" with yourself. But when rules fail, the most important step seems to be in changing how you look at yourself. Rather than seeing yourself as a good person who earns rewards or a bad person that earns punishment and constantly testing yourself, see yourself as being a person in line with the values that are the best for yourself, others and the world around you. When you are playing both parent and child to yourself and constantly debating about right and wrong, you tend to choose and reason for what will serve you best in the moment. Write down your long term goal that you're trying to reach and focus on that, and keep it with you. If knowing that finishing school with great grades will lead to better pay and more independence, studying that extra hour no longer seems like such a chore, but a necessity for the type of person you want to be. If you are at risk of heart disease and know that running a little longer will improve your overall health and energy and increase your lifespan so you can be there for your kids, debating over that cake as a reward when you're done seems silly and insignificant in comparison.
Knowledge and understanding are the first steps to progress. Be more self-aware and more paths for opportunity and change will open up to you. Until next time, keep it clean!
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